


how to lose brain cells 😎

by applekenma



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Friendship, Idiots in Love, M/M, None of them are together yet because they're all dumbasses, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Social Media, chatfic, dumbassery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:48:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29541894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/applekenma/pseuds/applekenma
Summary: Suga: watch your language young man 😠Tsukishima: ok mother 🙄Yamaguchi: Um, Tsukki, you may not want to get on Suga's bad side 😅Hinata: Oh yeah, Suga will kill you! HAHAAHAHTsukishima: im so scared 😰Suga: Yeah, you will be when I come over to your house at night and feast off your flesh 😋If you want to lose brain cells, this is the perfect place for you! If you want dumbassery, this is the place for you! If you want gay idiots pining for each other, this is the motherfucking place! 😎
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kindaichi Yuutarou/Kunimi Akira, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, more ships will be added - Relationship
Comments: 11
Kudos: 27
Collections: Chatfics I simp for





	1. The Mistake ☹️‼️

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to write another chatfic because my other one was terrible 😭😭 lmao 
> 
> Names will change later :)

**Volleyball Things 🏐**

Hinata: this gc is soooooooo boring now! 

Daichi: well, yeah, what do you expect? we only use this to talk about our volleyball games

Tsukishima: not all of us 🙄

Suga: whatever do you mean? 😊

Noya: Yeah, what do you mean "not all of us" 

Tsukishima: you guys know what the fuck you guys do in here every single damn day

Suga: watch your language young man 😠

Tsukishima: ok mother 🙄

Yamaguchi: Um, Tsukki, you may not want to get on Suga's bad side 😅

Hinata: Oh yeah, Suga will kill you! HAHAAHAH

Tsukishima: im so scared 😰

Suga: Yeah, you will be when I come over to your house at night and feast off your flesh 😋

Daichi: OKAYYY, let's talk about something else for now!

**🟢 Asahi is now online**

Asahi: Um, I just came in the group chat and see Suga threratening to kill Tsukishima.

Suga: Haha, don't worry about it, Asahi! 😄

Asahi: Yeah, Im going to go.

**🔴 Asahi is now offline**

Daichi: See, now you scared him away

Noya: Don't worry, it's normal for him

Hinata: ANYWAY, I just thought of something...

Kageyama: a first

Hinata: HEY :( 

Kageyama: i'm just telling the truth lol

Hinata: meanie! anyway, i thought of something

Daichi: ok...

Hinata: what if we add people from the other teams onto here!!

Tsukishima: no

Suga: THAT IS A GREAT IDEA HINATA!

HINATA: REALLY OKAY I'LL ADD THEM NOW!!

Daichi: WAIT HINATA NO

_**Hinata has added Kenma, Kuroo, Oikawa, Iwaizumi, Bokuto, Akaashi, and 8 others to the chat** _

Kenma: tf is this

Oikawa: Another gc I can ruin 😇

Iwaizumi: Guess my life will be even more terrible for the next few weeks

Oikawa: But you have me, Iwa-chan! 

Iwaizumi: exactly

Oikawa: so rude for no reason 😒

Akaashi: What is this?

Kenma: a group chat, ovbiously 

Akaashi: Yes, I know, but for what?

Kuroo: If you want to ruin your life :) 

Hinata: HEY GUYS!!!

Bokuto: HEY HEY HEY HINATA!!

Hinata: BOKUTO-SAN!!!

Bokuto: HINATA!!!!!

Hinata: BOKUTO-SAN!!!

Bokuto: HINATA!!!!!

Hinata: BOKUTO-SAN!!!

Bokuto: HINATA!!!!!

Hinata: BOKUTO-SAN!!!

Tsukishima: can yall shut the fuck up for once

Kuroo: yall

Bokuto: yall

Suga: yall

Oikawa: yall

Kenma: yall

Kageyama: yall

Noya: yall

Daichi: CAN 'YALL' STOP????

Kuroo: Hey Daichi 😏

Daichi: I'm done, I'm absolutely done

**🔴 Daichi is now offline**

Kuroo: I'm so seductive, he had to leave cuz he got embarrassed 😎

Oikawa: iwa-chan does that all the time 😎

Iwaizumi: i only leave you on read because you're so fucking annoying

Suga: no need to lie iwaizumi 

Iwaizumi: i hate you guys so much.

Oikawa: im an acception though :) 

Iwaizumi: you make me laugh oikawa 😂😂

Oikawa: thanks 🙄

Oikawa: honestly, thats the only compliemtn ill probably ever get from you so i'll take it :) 

Hinata: ISN'T THIS SO MUCH FUN?!

Bokuto: YEAH

Tsukishima: it's a living hell for me 

Oikawa: just wait until Makki and Mattsun come

Makki: DID YOU CALL???

Mattsun: AHIUBAEG*EFR(*@#@*@#(*@)(BD HEY

Yamaguchi: They might be worse than Suga when he goes fereal-

Oikawa: um 😀😄😀

Akaashi: What's the point of this group chat if everyone's just going to act like they're high 

Bokuto: AKAASHI??

Akaashi: Yes, Bokuto-san? 

Bokuto: JSNIWSBI??

Akaashi: I don't understand.

Bokuto: nvm 🙂

Akaashi: ❤️

Kenma: can you guys maybe, um, stop talking so i can play my game 

Kuroo: just go mute the gc

Kenma: I know, but I want to see if anyone says anything stupid so i can use it for blackmail or something at the same time

Kuroo: um, okay

Kageyama: Are we going to talk about volleyball or not because if we aren't I'm out

Oikawa: you can leave because we aren't :) 

Kageyama: fuck you bitch 

Oikawa: Oh🙄so I'm a bitch?🤬😈 Well a bitch is a female dog 🐶👛💅dogs bark📣🐩bark grows on trees🌲🌾trees are nature🦋🌈and nature is beautiful🌸🔥✨so thank you for the compliment💁♀️💝💫💐😘😹⚡️💘🌟🤷♀️🖕💖🌚🌹

Iwaizumi: Oikawa truly isn't okay, I am so sorry for everyone who is witnessing his dumbassery 

Suga: OKAY, SO SINCE WE ALL KNOW THIS GC IS GOING TO TURN INTO COMPLETE CHAOS, WHAT DO YOU GUYS WANNA DO?

Tsukishima: Why don't we actually just talk about volleyball like we used to do 🙄

Yamaguchi: okay, "it's just a club" 🙄

Tsukishima: 😐

Kunimi: I just want to die

Hinata: Um, Kunimi, you good? :) 

Kunimi: TOTALLY 😁

Hinata: Oh, okay, I got really worried there 😅

Suga: Hinata-

  
Hinata: what??

  
Suga: nvm.

  
Hinata: ummm, okay

  
Ushijima: I have now just seen this. What is this?

  
Hinata: It's a gc for all us volleyball players!! :D

  
Ushijima: But I have read some of the messages on here and seen that Kunimi wants to kill himself, how does that pertain to volleyball?

  
Oikawa: why is ushiwaka on here 🤢

  
Ushijima: Hinata had added me to this group chat, why wouldn't I be here?

  
Oikawa: 🤮🤮🤮

  
Iwaizumi: I would rather want him here than you 

  
Oikawa: :( 

  
Iwaizumi: good

  
Suga: you guys are so toxic wtf be kind to one another

  
Tsukishima: says the one who literally threatened to eat me several minutes ago

  
Suga: That was an accident :) 

  
Makki: UM WHAT LMAOOASOADJN 

Mattsun: AND I THOUGHT OIKAWA WAS THE POSSESED ONE 😭

Oikawa: RUDE

Mattsun: 😂😂

🟢 Daichi is now online

Suga: DAICHI

Daichi: I came back to see if this gc was normal again but as I can see, it's much, much worse

Tsukishima: All because of the grand king 

Oikawa: Um, only chibi-chan is allowed to call me that 😇

Tsukishima: you think i care lol

Daichi: It seems like you guys don't have any decency so I'll just let you guys be

🔴 Daichi has gone offline

Yamaguchi: I think Daichi's done with all of us...

Suga: He'll eventually come back, don't worry :)

Iwaizumi: I have a feeling it has to do with violence 

Suga: You are so smart, Iwaizumi! 💯

Iwaizumi: Something's wrong with all of yall

Kuroo: haha 'yall'

Bokuto: yall

Suga: yalll

Oikawa: yall

Makki: yall

Mattsun: LMAO

Ushijima: May I ask; what does the word 'LMAO' mean? I am extremely confused.

Oikawa: AND IF THIS GUY COULDN'T GET ANY DUMBER 😭

Suga: Do you really not know what lmao means? lmao

Ushijima: I do not.

Iwaizumi: It means 'Laughing my ass off'

Ushijima: Thank you.

Hinata: what?? i thought it meant lick my ass off...

Makki: I-

**🔴 Oikawa, Iwaizumi, Suga, Yamaguchi, Makki, Mattsun, and 6 others are offline**

Hinata: Huh guys??

Hinata: HELLOOOOOO???

Hinata: I guess I was so smart, they got jealous and left 😎 #swag

Akaashi: What the fuck.


	2. Bullying Iwa Hours 😔

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My friend sent me this picture of Iwaizumi as Sheen from Jimmy Neutron and I had to use it 😭

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, credit to [Mogio](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crone_zone/works) for the Twitter formatting <3

Hinata: JREF(UH$E*(EC*HF#(

Yamaguchi: um, hinata, are you okay?

Hinata: yeah, i just wanted to get everyones attention 😄

Suga: why

Hinata: who doesn't want attention 😐

Suga: okay

Oikawa: HEY EVERYONE, IT'S THE GRAND KING!!1! 😋 

Iwaizumi: 🤢🤢

Oikawa: iwa-chan, you're such a bad liar 🙄 i know you're in love with me

Iwaizumi: ew no

Kuroo: yeah, that sounds exactly like someone with a crush

Iwaizumi: okay kuroo 'i like kenma' tetsurou

Kuroo: um, stop spitting lies iwaizumi 😐

Daichi: Yeah, Kuroo...it's kind of ovbious

Tsukishima: Even though I hate this gc with all of my soul, I have to agree.

Noya: The way you look at him is creepy as hell 🙂

Kenma: what

Kuroo: AHAHAHA WHAT NOO I DON'T LIKE HIM LIKE THAT HAHAHA YOU GUYS ARE SO FUNNY HAHAHA 🤣🤣🤣

Tsukishima: i can literally hear his text

Kenma: kuro

Kuroo: Yes Kenma? :) 

Kenma: do you like me

Kuroo: yeah, as a friend

Kenma: oh okay

Tsukishima: 🙄

Oikawa: and i thought iwa-chan was a bad liar

Kuroo: shut the fuck up

Oikawa: 😂😂😂

Ushijima: Excuse me, I have another question to ask. What are these 'faces' you guys are using in your messages?

Oikawa: and why would i tell you 

Suga: they're emojis

Ushijima: Okay, thank you.

Hinata: Ushijima, I didn't know you were that dumb 😂

Ushijima: I am sorry if I have offended you.

Hinata: um, no, you haven't haha

Ushijima: Okay, I am glad. 😄😄😄

Oikawa: ew ushiwaka no don't use emojis ever

Iwaizumi: yeah, even if i hate oikawa so much, i have to agree

Ushijima: Why shouldn't I? 🙂

Oikawa: stop

Kageyama: yyyh can ysalnds shhgtuu uop

Kunimi: what the actual fuck

Hinata: Kageyama gets drunk whenever he drinks too much milk 😅

Kunimi: um, okay

Kageyama: i lobvue youbb hiantsd

Hinata: um what 😳

Suga: what did he say?

Hinata: he said "i love you hinata" 😦

Suga: oh okay i thought it was something good 🙄

Hinata: ...

Daichi: Can this gc be normal for once? It used to be normal and now look what it has turned into.

Iwaizumi: practically impossible for these idiots

Makki: GUYS GUYS LMAODSJODSUI GO ON TWITTER RN AND LOK AT MY LATEST TWEET 😭😭😭

Iwaizumi: um okay

And that was the biggest mistake Iwaizumi Hajime has ever made in his life 😔

* * *

**_Bitch #1_ 😎 @Makkiii**  
IWAIZUMI IS THIS YOU???

  
10🗨️ 21⟲ 42♡  
⟲ retweeted by **_Bitch #2 😎, Take me away aliens 👽, Suga 😋, The Little Giant (REAL)_** , and 16 others

> **_Bitch #2_ @Mattsun**  
>  **@Makkiii** BWAHAHAHAHA MAKKI OMIVGF LMAO  
>  1🗨️ 1⟲ 10♡
> 
>  ** _stfu oikawa_ @IWAIZUMI**  
>  **@Makkiii** WHAT THE FUCK MAKKI WHO THE FUCK IS THAT  
>  2🗨️ 2⟲ 13♡
>
>> **_Bitch #1 😎_ @Makkiii**  
>  **@IWAIZUMI** wdym, it's you 😭😭  
>  1🗨️ 1⟲ 9♡
>>
>>> **_stfu oikawa_ @IWAIZUMI**  
>  **@Makkiii** that isn't me wtf makki  
>  1🗨️ 0⟲ 4♡
>>>
>>>> **_Bitch #1 😎_ @Makkiii**  
>  **@IWAIZUMI** he literally looks exactly like you 🙄 don't lie  
>  1🗨️ 1⟲ 4♡
>>>>
>>>>> **_stfu oikawa_ @IWAIZUMI**  
>  **@Makkiii** okay then, since you wanna play w/ me don't get mad when i tell mattsun you have a shrine dedicated to him in your bedroom 🙂  
>  1🗨️ 1⟲ 9♡
>>>>>
>>>>>> **_Bitch #1 😎_ @Makkiii**  
>  **@IWAIZUMI** WAIT NO STOP OK IM SORYR  
>  1🗨️ 1⟲ 4♡
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> **_Bitch #2 😎_ @Mattsun**  
>  **@Makkiii @IWAIZUMI** wait what 😳  
>  0🗨️ 1⟲ 4♡

**_Kenma_ @KOZUME**  
since iwaizumi's getting slandered, i'll just put this here 😶

  
11🗨️ 30⟲ 75♡  
⟲ retweeted by **Mreowww 😍, Bitch #1 😎** **_Bitch #2 😎, Take me away aliens 👽, Suga 😋, The Little Giant (REAL)_** , **Yams 🍠, BOKUTO!!!,** and 21 others

> **_Mreowww 😍_ @TetsuTestu**  
>  **@KOZUME** KENMA WTF KLMAOSASOA I CANT BRETAH HHAA   
>  1🗨️ 0⟲ 11♡
> 
>  ** _Bitch #1 😎_ @Makkiii**  
>  **@KOZUME** You better send that to me now  
>  1🗨️ 0⟲ 4♡
>
>> **_Kenma_ @KOZUME**  
>  **@Makkiii** Just did 👍   
>  1🗨️ 0⟲ 5♡
>>
>>> **_Tsukishima 🙂🔫 @Tsukishima_K_**  
>  **@KOZUME** What the fuck did I do to deserve this.  
>  1🗨️ 0⟲ 8♡
>>>
>>>> **_Kenma_ @KOZUME**  
>  **@Tsukishima_K** 🤷  
>  1🗨️ 0⟲ 5♡
>>>>
>>>>> **_BOKUTO!!!_ @Bokuto_Hoot**  
>  **@KOZUME @Tsukishima_K** He looks exactly like Tsukki!!  
>  1🗨️ 2⟲ 13♡
>>>>>
>>>>>> **_Mreowww 😍_ @TetsuTestu**  
>  **@Bokuto_Hoot** BRO I CAN'T TELL IF YOU'RE BEING SERIOUS OR NOT 😭  
>  1🗨️ 0⟲ 11♡
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> **_BOKUTO!!!_ @Bokuto_Hoot**  
>  **@TetsuTetsu** IM BEING COMPLETELY SERIOUS RIGHT NOW 😭✋  
>  0🗨️ 1⟲ 7♡

**_Daichi | I'm this 🤏 close to transferring schools at this point_ @Daichi_S**  
CAN YOU GUYS ACT LIKE NORMAL HUMAN BEINGS FOR ONCE?? OR??? IS THAT IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU IDIOTS??  
1🗨️ 2⟲ 13♡

> **_Suga 😋_ @CupofSuga**  
>  **@Daichi_S** It's not possible in this universe 😌  
>  0🗨️ 3⟲ 12♡

**_Akaashi 💤_ 🚫 @KEIJI**  
I just logged into Twitter; what the fuck happened.  
2🗨️ 3⟲ 18♡

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It literally took me more than 2 hours to format everything ☠️ but I hope you enjoyed it :)

**Author's Note:**

> There will be some actual plot in this fic, I just want to have some group chat shenanigans in here before all that
> 
> I honestly hope this wasn't too bad 😅
> 
> Next up: Iwaizumi Hajime is Sheen Estévez?!


End file.
